Two beautiful blue eyes stare back at me. Two. Not two for a few seconds until one drifts away. But the whole time. And any time! I look at her 21 month old face and amazed when I see two bright eyes looking straight at me. Every time.
I still remember the first time I saw one eye looking out to the side. MaryAnne was only 2 months old and I panicked. Outwardly maybe no one noticed my reaction, but I panicked. My heart started racing, my breathing came in quick spurts. My brain started working as fast as it could – what did I know about a lazy eye? Would it became better or worse over time? Can it be fixed? Would she have to wear a patch on her eye? And why had I not noticed this before? What kind of mother am I that I only just noticed this!?
After MaryAnne’s initial surgery (a year ago!) to correct her craniosynostosis, her eye had improved a lot. But it still drifted. This most recent surgery to correct the strabismus (drifting eye) was a completely different experience than the last several surgeries. Surgery took less than a half an hour compared to the 2-3 hour surgeries previously. She hadn’t cried when they pulled her away in her little wagon to enter the OR, and when she was wheeled into the recovery room after surgery she was sitting up in bed, drinking out of a sippy cup as if nothing was wrong. As if she hadn’t just had surgery on her eyes.
Now I wonder. What does the world look like to her? Can you imagine not having stereo-vision? Imagine looking at landscape whether it be a city or a hillside or rolling fields. Now replace that with a picture of that scene, as if now you were looking at a poster of the scene instead. You lose all concept of depth and distance. Or try walking around with one eye covered. That is how MaryAnne lived her life. But she didn’t know anything different. When looking at things close, her eyes would work together and she had no problem putting toys in small holes and the like. But when her eyes were drawn to things farther away, there was disconnect. Only one eye focused. Now both eyes are working together. Has the world become bigger? Grander?
I am so thankful for the prayer warriors in MaryAnne’s life. Do you know what the Ophthalmologist said at MaryAnne’s pre-op appointment? He said, “Wow, she is healing really well.” She has no scar tissue from the surgery. None! The doctor can see her eyes start to drift and then pull back in. Her brain is taking control of that drifting eye! What a wonderful sign of God’s grace and power to heal MaryAnne in such a way.
Praise be to God.